Emotional Pain

The topic of pain is one which has been addressed by far more intellectual and theologically trained minds than mine.  But I raise this topic, because emotional pain is a pertinent issue when it comes to counseling. Discomfort (at the low end of the ‘pain’ scale) and trauma (at the high end of the ‘pain’ scale) both can bring us to the point of wanting to talk to someone.  I have learned personally, and have observed through my years of counseling others, that emotional pain, although at times devastating, can present an opportunity to learn about ourselves, about God and our relationship with Him, and about how to effectively journey on in this life.  Pain is a part of life.

Physical pain is pretty straightforward.  We get hurt, we go to the doctor or hospital, get treated, and wait for the physical healing.  Because we know that once a bone is set, for example, it’s only a matter of time for the bone to heal and everything can return to ‘normal’, there isn’t much to process with this kind of pain in itself, other than learning patience perhaps!  [There are exceptions to this simple example, such as chronic pain, pain which reveals a serious illness, or physical disability which causes pain.  But these exceptions move us toward the issue of emotional pain.]

In comparison, emotional pain presents with complexity on many levels.  As with physical pain, we have differences in tolerance, and how we handle the accompanying emotional distress.  Some may withdraw, others may become aggressive, and still others may carry on without acknowledging the pain.  If the pain is deep enough, no matter what we do, it will express itself in some way, and often the way it expresses itself becomes intolerable, and leads the heart to seek relief.  Counseling is one way to help bring relief.

I see emotional pain as an indication of the disparity between what God has intended for us as His children, made in His image, and how we interact with and experience each other in our fallen world.  Specifically, I see ‘made in His image’ to mean being branded with the essence of God: love, which we are created to give Him and each other.  If I had to summarize the main cause for pain brought to counseling, I would say it is because we have experienced something other than the love God has created us to give and receive.  Of course in any relationship, we can experience disappointment and anger, to name two common emotions.  But emotional distress which cries for counseling usually belies some level of hurt, fear, unforgiveness, anger, sorrow—all of which are contrary to the heart of love. 

We are capable of wounding each other to great depths.  And typically, the depth of the hurt reflects the depth of the relationship.  When we are deeply connected, such as in family relationships, and someone wounds with, for example, abusive behavior, it is particularly poignant and challenging to understand what that person has done, through the eyes of grace and forgiveness. 

This kind of hurt can be processed in counseling, when one has finally acknowledged the pain, and seeks to rise above it, overcoming the impact.  Part of processing pain, is letting you feel it.  As I have mentioned before, some Christians think they are not supposed to feel sad, broken, or angry, for example.  But if we don’t ‘own’ the feelings, then we can’t truly submit them to God for His healing.  Recognizing the depth, understanding the impact, and acknowledging our own imperfect responses, prepares us to bring our brokenness to the feet of Christ.  And that’s where it gets good!

I have had the privilege of walking alongside people who are broken in many different ways, and I see over and over, how God brings comfort out of anguish, forgiveness out of resentment, and compassion out of anger.  Emotional pain is challenging for us all; but what pain can eventually transform into, through God’s love and grace, is incredible! 

Blessings,

Priscilla Ortlip

MSW, LCSW, ACS

Founder and Executive Director
The Christian Counselors Collaborative

www.cccpgh.org

Disclaimer:  I am a professional, licensed clinical therapist in the state of PA, but this blog is not a therapeutic venue—anything I state here is not for treatment or to address anyone’s specific emotional or mental health need.  If you are experiencing immediate distress, call 911.  If you would like to consider counseling at the CCC, please call Tom Laird at 1.855.222.2575.